Sunday, April 3, 2011

What is Wrong with my Flat Sheets?

So I may be new to this blogging thing, but I'm pretty sure that the way to attract hordes of followers to your site is not to write a post about laundry. But what can I say, I have been doing laundry all day. And when I say, "all day," I  mean ALL DAY. I started around 10 a.m.. I just finished. It is 10 p.m. To be fair, it is my own damn fault, which should be obvious to anyone who's ever done laundry. You know what it takes to accumulate 12 hours worth of laundry? Weeks of not doing laundry. Weeks and weeks. In my case, weeks and weeks and weeks. The only laundry I've done in recent memory has been preceded by the following statement from my husband, "Honey. I know you're really busy, but I have, like, no underwear left." What I want to tell him is that the washing machine does work when a man pushes the "start" button. But then I remember the fact that he does all of the cooking in our house, so the least I could do is an occasional load of laundry so that he doesn't have to go commando to work. Yeah, I suck.

So that's what I've been doing for the last several weeks; waiting until someone in the house completely runs out of clothing or underwear and then I do an emergency load - just enough to get us through the next 24 hours/crisis period. Which brings us to today, where my laundry situation makes The Next Martha's sock pond look quaint. At least her kids have clean socks. If my kids want clean socks, they need to give me at least threes hour notice. (BTW, if you don't know about The Next Martha, you can check her out on Twitter @TheNextMartha or on her blog: The Martha Project.)

Anyway, so my laundry room contained a small mountain of laundry that was finally tackled through hours of ceaseless attack. Beyond unwashed clothes, there were other obstacles that I also beat down. There was the mountain of clean clothes on the folding table that had accumulated whenever I previously washed and dried a load, but didn't bother folding it. There was the bin that I keep in the laundry room for kids' clothes that have gotten too small, that was overflowing to the point that it looked like the clothing version of Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout.

But it all got done. All of it. All our clothes are clean, dry, folded, and put away. (Well, except for a couple stragglers that go in the kids' rooms and they're currently sleeping.) All the outgrown clothes have been folded and sorted and packed into bins to be saved for the baby, saved for my sister's baby, or be sold/passed on to someone else's baby. I even did two sets of sheets! Folded. Put away. Really.

Which brings me to my greatest annoyance of the day: my flat sheets. Yes, that's right, the flat ones. Fitted ones and I get along pretty well. I'm no Martha Stewart, but they come out looking pretty darn good. See...


Not bad, huh? So here's what so damn annoying. I have conquered the fitted sheet. I can stick that lovely little package in my armoire and be proud. So then why the hell does my flat sheet give me such trouble? Here's what I mean. Every one of my flat sheets has edges that look like this:




It's a creased up mess.What's with that? And how do I stop it?

A couple months ago I got the bright idea that maybe if I ironed them once a year it would help. So I actually hauled out my ironing board and ironed those babies. Yes, I ironed my sheets. Who does that? But those damn creases were making me nuts. And it worked, too. For exactly one week until I washed them again. Then those stupid creases came right back again. And I tell you, folks, I am not about to start ironing my sheets on a weekly basis. (I don't know if you were paying attention up above, but I've barely been washing my sheets, much less ironing them.)

So I put them away, without a clue as to how to resolve my crazy crease problem. My two clean sets of sheets neatly tucked away in my armoire. One tiny corner of my house, actually clean. Who knows when I will next see two sets of sheets folded and put away again? Could be months.


I found out moments later that while I was folding sheets, my four year old was busy downstairs sprinkling breadcrumbs on the kitchen floor. So there's that.

9 comments:

Roxanne said...

I'm JEALOUS of your fitted sheets. I curl mine in a ball, stuff them in the cabinet and call it good. I wish I could help your flat sheet problem. Mine don't do that crease thing...sorry. And if you're ever in Reno, you should come show me how to make my fitted sheets look like that. Because I have NEVER been so jealous of someone's sheets before.

OakParkGirl said...

You CARE that they aren't all neat? They just wrinkle when you sleep in them :p

Here is my questions, how the frak do you FOLD a fitted sheet? Mine end up in a giant wad...

TheNextMartha said...

I was so with you until you decided to do all the laundry and then got all freaky with perfectly folded sheets. :)

middleofthebed said...

We don't even use flat sheets because they are so annoying. They get tangled in your feet and they are a pain in the nuts to fold! I also second the comment from OakParkGirl... you care? :D way to go!
Yeah I gave all my fitted sheets to the dogs to chew bones on.
Martha Stewart I am not...

Sweetk8 said...

I hate those funky creases, too. They remind me of the bottom hems of shirts that crease up. Annoying. I am not picky enough to iron them, but I am Martha enough to use her nifty fitted-sheet folding technique...

http://www.marthastewart.com/article/fold-a-fitted-sheet

RaRa said...

You clearly do not have enough stress in your life if sheets creases are a priority in your brain! But, I guess that shows how stable you really are, in an ironically weird sorta way ;)

rubyspikes said...

OK. So first off, I may have been wrong about laundry posts driving hordes of traffic to your site. It's currently my 2nd most viewed post of all time. (OK, I've only 15 total posts, but still.) Apparently the way to drive traffic to your site: Do something The Next Martha finds AMAZING / INSANE, she'll retweet you, and voila, readership. :) My next post: Why I don't know where the cake pans go in MY kitchen. (Really, folks, you should have seen the eyes bug out of her head when I told her that.)

As for HOW you fold a fitted sheet, it's pretty much the link that Sweetk8 posted. (Thanks.) But to make y'all even more jealous of my husband, it was he that first showed me how to fold a fitted sheet back when we were still dating. Before then, mine were a big ball in the closet, too.

And do I care that they're nicely folded? Well, clearly most of the time they're on the floor of my laundry room, so not THAT much. But when I do take the time to fold my laundry, I figure I'll do it right. (BTW, folks, this is a quintessential character trait of a hoarder. It's only a matter of time for me.) So since I know how to fold the fitted sheets, I do.

And the thing about those damn creases is that I don't think everybody has this problem. I can't imagine that I did something to cause them. I mean, how could I make that happen? Maybe just cheap sheets? I don't know, it's just annoying. But I'm never giving up my flat sheets. I love them. Best part about crawling into bed is the cool sheets above and below you. Well, I like my down comforter, too. And then there's the sleep part, which is pretty awesome. And my hubby being in bed next to me. So ok, they're one of many things I like about being in bed.

And RaRa, I'm pretty sure this is a clear example of how UNSTABLE I am. :) Sheet creases aren't really a priority, but it's always something with me. Yesterday, it happened to be that. :)

ReadyOrNot said...

They make messes faster than anyone can clean them up, lol.

Gregory Presley said...

Well! You have great collection regarding clothing and you have also so skills. If i talk about myself then there was the mountain of clean clothes on the folding table that had accumulated whenever I previously washed and dried a load, but didn't bother folding it.
British Linens

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